I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
