woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
