So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
