I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
They are going to name an STD after you.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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