He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
