do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
do nipples grow back?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
