Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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