Can i not drive my cunt home
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize