You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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