I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
