her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize