we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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