its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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