Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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