I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She bit a glass in half.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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