dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize