in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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