The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
