does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
