The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize