did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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