so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
