hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
