I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
