So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
