Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
