Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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