Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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