Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize