after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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