I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
this boner is exhausting
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
