So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
