girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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