It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
