You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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