Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
