apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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