Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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