You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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