I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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