You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
