The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
