i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
hell yes lets make some ravioli
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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