I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize