Pants 0. Shit 1.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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