I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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