His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
