Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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