from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
