Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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