i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
