Yo dont text me then not text me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
