remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
