I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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