i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
