Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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