I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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