I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
