apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
