I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
