I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
