you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
