Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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