Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
