Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
and you said cock pushups were impossible
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The Olympian is in my bed
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
