i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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