Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
