Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
