I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
