I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
