Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
