Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
