i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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