I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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